My Mother’s Losses


May I suggest you read my About Me>How It All Began page before reading this post? It’ll make more sense if you do.

I think one of the main reasons my mother had such an interest in the Other Side and wanting to know if someone’s spirit lived on after death, was because she suffered the loss of the two most important women in her life: her older sister and her mother.

My mom’s sister, Marilyn contracted polio and was placed in an iron lung shortly after giving birth to a daughter (my cousin whom I’ve never met and I’ve heard has led a truly sad life).

Marilyn died because of a miscommunication between her and her nurse. Marilyn was trying to tell the nurse one of two things, either “I’m wet.” or “I can’t breathe.” Whichever it was, the nurse thought it was the other and opened up the iron lung thus stopping the automated compression that was keeping Marilyn breathing and…she died.

Snapshot of Mom

My mom’s high school photo.

My mom was only 17 years old at the time and was getting married in three months. Marilyn was only 20. Sadly, I cannot find a photograph of Marilyn anywhere.

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My mom spoke lovingly about her sister and often said I reminded her of Marilyn in the way I stood & carried myself; my posture. And I was tall like Marilyn too…well, relatively speaking. I’m the tallest female in the family at 5 ft. 4 in. My mom was 5 ft. 2 in. and both of my sisters (older & younger) are, I believe, shorter than my mom. And Marilyn? I don’t know but I’m guessing she was between 5 ft. 4 in. and 5 ft. 7 in. tall.

I remember trying to contact Marilyn one day with my mom using the Oujia Board (I do not recommend doing this nowadays), and I believe we did. The energy spelled out a phrase that only my mom’s sister used. My mother was convinced it was her since she had never heard anyone else use that phrase…ever. I think that connection gave my mother the reassurance and validation she so desperately needed.

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About 10-12 years after she lost her sister, my mother lost her mother. I have vague memories of my grandmother and I think she passed away while I was very young, under the age of five. I’ve been trying to track down the exact year but haven’t had any luck…so far.

My grandmother was another woman in my mom’s life whom she looked up to and again, spoke very lovingly about all of her life. My mom often said she wished “you kids” had known her mother. Her mother was an extremely talented seamstress and a generous, kind soul married, unfortunately, to a tyrant who was charming and generous to those outside the home but who was stingy and verbally and, I believe, physically abusive inside the home to his wife and family.

My mother would tell us that her mother, a smart, frugal woman would use coupons so she could set aside the cash she saved on groceries from the food allowance her controlling and abusive husband gave her. I believe she used that money to discreetly buy what she needed for sewing. My grandmother was also never allowed to learn how to drive and walked or took the bus everywhere she needed to go.

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The heartache of losing and missing the two most important women in her life was something my mother never got over and the more I think about it, the more I believe she not only wanted proof that they were still alive in spirit but that they were safe and finally happy, and were still around her, a part of her life.

If I can bring a sense of hope, love, joy, and perhaps, even a little peace to someone here by connecting their loved ones to them then it is worth me trying to do so. Despite my mother being a very private person with her interest in this field kept very quiet, I like to think she’d approve. 🙂

Copyright 2013, 2014 – All rights reserved.

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