Tag Archives: heartache

Do They Miss Us? Do They See Our Pain? Do They See Us Struggle?

My caller today brought up several great questions when my time was already up for my BlogTalkRadio episode. My show is only 30 minutes long, (at this point in time I can’t afford to buy more air-time), and the platform shuts me down after 10 minutes past my allotted time. As a result, I can’t cover everything I’d like to as I do during a private 60-minute mediumship reading.

I would have loved to further clarify and discuss Joy’s questions about life on the Other Side. So, I’ll attempt to do so here keeping in mind I’m going by what she asked. I hope I didn’t misunderstand her questions and that these answers prove helpful.

Love never dies.

Joy asked if her loved one was aware of how much she missed him, of how much she hurts, and “does he miss me?” “Does he care that I’m in so much pain?”

These are all wonderful questions and I attempted to explain as best as I could within a couple of minutes and being fully aware that the caller was about to be disconnected. I feel I couldn’t address them as well as I’d like to and like I usually do during a scheduled mediumship reading.

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First and foremost, my experience and studies have taught me that when our loved ones cross over, they go through an orientation process themselves, getting used to the form of energy they now are compared to the human form they were while they were in our lives. Some take longer than others to adjust, especially if it was a tragic or confusing ending on this side.

I also believe that we really are Spirit having a human experience rather than humans having occasional spiritual experiences. I don’t think we can truly comprehend this, however, unless we’ve either had a huge spiritual experience like an NDE (Near-Death Experience) or another out-of-body experience where we are given a glimpse of who we truly are.

I, myself, have never experienced such so I can only imagine that level of awareness. By all accounts from people I trust and respect, it is truly an incredible and enlightening experience and it is sometimes difficult to come back to our human-ness afterwards. But the message (one of them) is crystal clear: We are love and we are loved. Every single one of us. 🙂

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So, Joy, to answer your question: Does he miss me?

No, because he’s not gone, he’s with you right now, by your side. He sees everything that is happening – that’s why he mentioned the red shirt & necklace you were wearing when we spoke & that you were sitting on the bed. That’s why he had me say, “He sees you.” There was meaning in that phrase because he knew you had a question about that, even though I didn’t know this until the end of our conversation. He realized the importance of it.

Missing someone, to us, means we are separated from them. As humans, when our loved ones pass away, there is a separation and it’s very painful. Our loved ones on the Other Side, however, realize there is no separation.

They are still present in our lives but we can’t see them with our eyes or touch them with our hands anymore. That’s why it’s so difficult for us. We grieve the physical presence of our loved ones because we’re human! We live our lives in a very tactile manner and when someone is absent from our world, it’s very noticeable and it hurts. We miss them.

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Does he see what I’m doing, how much I’m suffering?

Yes, Joy, he sees what you are doing, who you are visiting, how you miss him and can feel your heartache. That is why he sends you signs. It’s his way of saying, “I’m here. I love you. I know what you’re going through.”

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Does he care?

Yes! I can state that with certainty. When we switch forms, we don’t forget our love for each other. Our view expands with the realization that there is life after human death, with the realization that Spirit lives on. And we carry the love we have for each other’s souls with us!

From my experience, it seems once we are on the Other Side, we are able to recognize and truly feel the depth of our love, especially if we had a difficult time admitting or expressing it in this lifetime. If we were lucky enough to fully embrace it and experience it here on Earth, it is still with us on the Other Side.

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How do you know he cares?

Because you sense him, feel him when you honor his physical presence in your life by still doing the things you loved doing with him, seeing the people you two would see if he was there. Because every time you think of him, that’s you sensing his presence and his love for you. It will become clearer and stronger as you heal.

You also know he cares because he came through in a mediumship reading with a lot of unique validations for you! The line of trees, the outdoors (the nature preserve you spoke about), the pond, among other things.

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Now, the reason I mentioned to Joy there was a possibility of still holding onto some anger from a loved one passing – it’s not so much a hateful anger, that’s not what I meant. It’s a subtle anger which the question: Does he even care if I’m in pain? holds within it which is perfectly normal to experience.

It goes along with the hurt and the pain of losing a loved one too soon, and is usually followed by the question: How could he leave me? It’s more of a hurt, so maybe anger wasn’t the best word I could’ve used. Forgive me. And also remember that behind anger, even a hint of anger, is hurt.

I still say writing a letter to your loved one who has crossed over is very therapeutic. Write out your pain, your hurt, your grief, your love, and ask all the questions you want to ask him. If you’d like to take it a step further, James Van Praagh suggests after writing this letter, to put it away for two weeks.

After two weeks, sit down and write a letter from your loved one to you and you’ll be surprised with the information and messages that come through!

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I always wish I had more time for the mini-mediumship readings which I offer on my radio show because of beautiful questions like these. And, if I’ve paraphrased incorrectly or misinterpreted the questions (due to lack of time), my apologies to Joy. However, these particular questions still matter!

Most of the time, during a private reading, all of these questions are answered by the end of the hour without the client even asking them. It’s just impossible for me to do this during a 15 or even 20-minute mini-reading. I can only give you a snippet of what a mediumship reading is like with as many validations and/or messages that your loved ones want to impart to me.

I thank Joy for the questions and hope this post clarifies or explains things a little further for her and to all who read it. There’s so much to learn and know about the Other Side and Spirit, and my beliefs have evolved over the years because of my curiosity, my questions, my studies, and my experiences. Never be afraid to ask questions and find the right answers for you!

One message or belief that has always been a truth for me has never changed, and it’s this: love and Spirit never die. ♥

Copyright 2014 – All rights reserved.

My Mother’s Losses

May I suggest you read my About Me>How It All Began page before reading this post? It’ll make more sense if you do.

I think one of the main reasons my mother had such an interest in the Other Side and wanting to know if someone’s spirit lived on after death, was because she suffered the loss of the two most important women in her life: her older sister and her mother.

My mom’s sister, Marilyn contracted polio and was placed in an iron lung shortly after giving birth to a daughter (my cousin whom I’ve never met and I’ve heard has led a truly sad life).

Marilyn died because of a miscommunication between her and her nurse. Marilyn was trying to tell the nurse one of two things, either “I’m wet.” or “I can’t breathe.” Whichever it was, the nurse thought it was the other and opened up the iron lung thus stopping the automated compression that was keeping Marilyn breathing and…she died.

Snapshot of Mom

My mom’s high school photo.

My mom was only 17 years old at the time and was getting married in three months. Marilyn was only 20. Sadly, I cannot find a photograph of Marilyn anywhere.

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My mom spoke lovingly about her sister and often said I reminded her of Marilyn in the way I stood & carried myself; my posture. And I was tall like Marilyn too…well, relatively speaking. I’m the tallest female in the family at 5 ft. 4 in. My mom was 5 ft. 2 in. and both of my sisters (older & younger) are, I believe, shorter than my mom. And Marilyn? I don’t know but I’m guessing she was between 5 ft. 4 in. and 5 ft. 7 in. tall.

I remember trying to contact Marilyn one day with my mom using the Oujia Board (I do not recommend doing this nowadays), and I believe we did. The energy spelled out a phrase that only my mom’s sister used. My mother was convinced it was her since she had never heard anyone else use that phrase…ever. I think that connection gave my mother the reassurance and validation she so desperately needed.

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About 10-12 years after she lost her sister, my mother lost her mother. I have vague memories of my grandmother and I think she passed away while I was very young, under the age of five. I’ve been trying to track down the exact year but haven’t had any luck…so far.

My grandmother was another woman in my mom’s life whom she looked up to and again, spoke very lovingly about all of her life. My mom often said she wished “you kids” had known her mother. Her mother was an extremely talented seamstress and a generous, kind soul married, unfortunately, to a tyrant who was charming and generous to those outside the home but who was stingy and verbally and, I believe, physically abusive inside the home to his wife and family.

My mother would tell us that her mother, a smart, frugal woman would use coupons so she could set aside the cash she saved on groceries from the food allowance her controlling and abusive husband gave her. I believe she used that money to discreetly buy what she needed for sewing. My grandmother was also never allowed to learn how to drive and walked or took the bus everywhere she needed to go.

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The heartache of losing and missing the two most important women in her life was something my mother never got over and the more I think about it, the more I believe she not only wanted proof that they were still alive in spirit but that they were safe and finally happy, and were still around her, a part of her life.

If I can bring a sense of hope, love, joy, and perhaps, even a little peace to someone here by connecting their loved ones to them then it is worth me trying to do so. Despite my mother being a very private person with her interest in this field kept very quiet, I like to think she’d approve. 🙂

Copyright 2013, 2014 – All rights reserved.