Closing A Door

Hello, everyone,

I wrote a draft of this blog post in December 2019 and reading through it now, months later, things haven’t changed for the better. Considering I’ve been trying to earn a steady income (or find a job), for 14+ years (since the last recession), I’ve had to add to it, so it’s a long post. Please bear with me.

I wish I had good news to share but…

I’m still floundering. I’ve lost my voice for this site. With no paying clients, I have nothing to draw from to talk about, to give you encouragement, or added insight. I’m tapped out.

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My initial intentions…

I’ve tried for more than a decade to form a community, not only with my radio shows but with my helpful weekly blog posts, live-streaming, a newsletter, even a Yahoo Group for local Businesswomen (which lasted for nine months, had only one other person who joined and I ended up helping her land the job she wanted and gave her motivation to re-launch her etsy store – all pro bono).

I’ve said and taught all I’ve wanted to say and teach about job/life coaching (w/my 3-year weekly stint on the radio and its own site, Another Day Dawns, now defunct), and, then about connecting with your loved ones on the Other Side (w/another 3-year weekly stint on the radio and with this site). Without new experiences to talk about, new issues/questions from people to brainstorm about, new challenges to meet which my clients give me, I have nothing else to offer you, I’m afraid.

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And, financial struggle continues to ensue,

I’m still not earning an income. As of a couple of weeks ago, my son is furloughed (update below), meaning he isn’t working and isn’t getting paid for staying at home. The store he’s working for furloughed 70 out of 100 employees. They are working with a skeleton crew, no one allowed in the store, curbside pickup only. My son worked under these conditions when the initial stay-at-home order came to our city/county for two weeks, then stayed home. The stress was overwhelming.

The store had turned off air conditioning and lights,( in 95 deg F weather down here in Florida!), customers expected their online orders to be filled right away, but there were only 2 people pulling the items for 100+ orders! Anyway, after two weeks, he came home and the company paid him for two weeks, like everyone else staying home. Then, the furlough happened. No pay.

He quickly filed his taxes so we could get his return and he got his economic payment (from the stimulus packet), for $1200. Unfortunately, I received nothing. Since my son is claiming me as a dependent on his taxes for the last two years while I try to become financially independent again, (and because he’s been paying all the bills), I get no financial help from the government. If I was a child, he’d get an extra $500 but I’m not, so we won’t.

Update: Son has been working from home for a couple of months now. He was one of two employees brought back. Luckily, it was a week before all our money ran out. He’s still owed a week’s worth of unemployment but hasn’t been able to get through to anyone on Florida’s site. It had taken them 11 weeks plus an email to our senator for the intern to look into it for him. He must have done something to call attention to my son’s claims because his unemployment benefits finally kicked in. That was close to, as we were days away from having $0 for anything: food, mortgage, bills.

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Reality

The truth is, I’m lucky if I get one or two paying clients a year and I can’t live off of $100-$200 annually! I’ve tried giving numerous discounts, holding giveaways to bring in sign-ups to my newsletters (which I had to abandon because I couldn’t afford to pay for a P.O. Box to use as my address on my “mass mailings” after two years), ran polls to try to get feedback/input on what my audience needs and is willing to pay for. Alas, no response.

Over the last decade, I’ve tried all the things business coaches tell you to do to promote your business, and these things simply haven’t worked for me. I’ve given away $1000s worth of my services which have left me penniless.

To be honest, struggling financially has only made my grief worse. The added stress every day, every month of surviving, literally, is taking its toll.

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Effects of Grief

You see, I’m just not the same person I was before my husband’s death. Yes, the fog of grief has mostly cleared from my mind but I still have difficulty multi-tasking. It still takes an enormous amount of energy to *do* anything, especially if I know it won’t make a damn bit of difference for my financial present and future, and thereby, my son’s future.

I believe all my job/life coaching services and my mediumship services have helped 10,000s of people, reflected in this site’s views but also in the number of  listens on both of my radio shows these past 10+ yrs. But, no marketing efforts have resulted in paying clients.

I take that back: the one new paying client found me on the Best Psychic Directory and visited this site to vet me. Other than her, even that directory hasn’t brought in new clients these last two+ years, since I had to prove I was legit in order to be posted there.

With 30,000+ views/listens, one single paying client barely pays for the upkeep, and doesn’t pay at all for the platform and system I use to schedule appointments, and to receive payments! It certainly doesn’t help with paying my mortgage, or food, utilities, or any other bills.

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Which leads to my other challenge: Tech Issues

I know action dissolves anxiety. I also know that speaking (not just texting or typing) feeds my energy, and I don’t have anyone to talk to other than my son. And, I can’t talk to him about politics (even though I do a tiny bit) because it gets him very upset.

I lost my best friend and my greatest supporter three years, nine months ago (on the 14th), and I lost all the income we had when Hank passed away. I was already frustrated and depressed before his health crisis, but at least I had him to vent to, to comfort me, to encourage me, to support me in *any and all* my endeavors. And…that support is gone. Yes, I know he is still with me spiritually, and he has helped my son and I survive these last few years. Oh, the synchronistic events that have happened would amaze you! But, his strong, loving physical presence is nowhere to be found.

My cable company took three friggin’ YEARS to finally figure out my cable issues (hint: it wasn’t the damn modem they kept replacing because they wouldn’t actually check their hardware *outside*), but after a few weeks, (and them not replacing the hardware, just tweaking it), it seems like my connection is spotty again and my phone is still having the same problem (muting either myself or the person I’m talking to–no, it’s not the phone, have tried it with another phone–both landlines) which means it’s impossible to use it for any possible clients. (Note: A few months ago, I had a paying client–whom I’ve seen before–and had to call her back three times within one hour due to the phone issues!). I’ve had it.

It seemed like I was making headway with videos and live-streaming over the last several months with producing weekly videos, or planning to schedule live events, and I even live-streamed a support video every night for those whom needed my help with adjusting to staying-at-home 24/7. I’ve been doing that for 15+ years, so I have some insights and advice!

After a week, I changed the live-stream to weekly, and after two or three more live-streams, I shut it down. There was no audience for it, no one to help and the only people who popped in were trolls. I banned all of them as soon as I could.

Technical difficulties have been rampant and as of a few months ago, the hard drive for my 10-yr old iMac has crashed. “The disk has a hardware problem that cannot be repaired.” Luckily, I had backed up everything on my computer in September 2019, but I’ve lost the ability to create videos. My son’s computer doesn’t have a webcam, and not sure how well it can handle streaming. I’ll be verifying this in the next day or two as I may try to stream gameplay only, just to keep my sanity intact. (Update: it can’t handle all apps needed to stream a game.)

The momentum I had with all the plans I wanted to put into action months ago, it’s all gone and I can’t seem to get it back. And, now, I have no computer save my son’s 5-yr old computer which is already struggling to work. It’s slow and I can’t have more than one app open at a time, much less more than two tabs open on my browser.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: I’m giving myself one or two months more, but if I don’t get any paying clients through this site by then, I’m letting it go, even though I paid my annual fee to WordPress in February for another year.

I’ll then keep this site up until January 2021 and will then delete it.

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Closing a Door

So, now is the time. If you want me to do live brainstorming sessions for your job hunt, or a life challenge, or talk about grieving, or have a place where we can practice our psychic abilities (we all have them – intuition), let me know! I’ll see if this computer can handle a Zoom gathering but…there’d be no video. Remember? I have no webcam. It would just be audio.

However, if we do this, I will have to charge a minimal amount for participation, like a membership site. We could even do something using Discord. I think this computer can handle Discord. These events would be private, invite-only after payment.

If there are no comments, I know closing this door is the right thing for me to do. Perhaps it will free my mind up to think anew, rather than plugging away at something that clearly wasn’t meant to be.

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Gratitude

I know how many of you I’ve helped over the years and I thank you for allowing me to connect you with your loved ones on the Other Side, and teaching you to do the same directly. Most of you had already been doing so, you just needed confirmation and assurance that you were receiving the signs being sent.

Others have needed time to pass to allow the shock and fog of grief to lift a little, before being able to sense the messages being sent. I hope I helped educate you too, to believe in whatever brings you comfort. No one else needs to believe that you connect with your departed loved ones. It’s a private matter but I hope you found comfort in knowing I believe you. I *know* you connect with them.

And, if I’ve alleviated your sorrow even just a little bit, even only momentarily, it was worth taking this risk to go public with my abilities. I know, especially as a widow myself, it was worth it.

Remember, you are loved and you are not alone. Your loved ones are always by your side, rooting for your success and your happiness.

Be still, be aware, and you will see/sense their messages of love and support.

Once again, thank you for allowing me to connect you with your loved ones on the Other Side. It was my honor to do so.

Be well, stay safe!! ❤

Love and light, ~Lisa

Copyright 2010 -2020. All rights reserved.

2 responses to “Closing A Door

  1. I read your blog , I too am suffering grief my mum passed away 2 nights ago, I booked a reading with someone recommended in the family network, her fee was very reasonable yet needed deposit , she booked up 3 months in advance yes thats how busy she is maybe you can consider lower fee to drum up business? also do virtual readings as well as face to face, best of luck, love the story of the haunted house!
    stay safe!

    • Rusty, First and foremost, I am so very sorry for your loss. Right now, you are in shock and, I’m sure, suffering from what is known as brain fog. That’s usually why I recommend waiting at least 3 months before going to a medium because at this time, you may not be able to think clearly and may miss some validations which the medium is giving you. I, myself, experienced this but then realized months later, the medium I spoke with was correct and I finally understood my loved ones’ validations and messages. The fact that you’ll have to wait 3 months to have a reading w/the medium you booked with is a good thing. You need time to get over the initial shock.

      Thank you for your kind suggestions. Unfortunately, in the 14+ years of trying to be self-employed, lowering my fees (whether doing resume writing, job coaching, life coaching, freelance writing/editing/proofreading, or mediumship), has *never* brought in more paying clients. And, neither has doing tons of pro bono work or having giveaways. People think it would but, in *my personal experience*, it doesn’t.

      I also have always done virtual coaching/readings, both during my live, weekly radio shows as well as for the few paying clients I have had over the years, (usually via phone or Skype). The few people I’ve helped locally (in-person) have actually been through my late husband’s primary caregiver. The main social worker/therapist was interested, had a reading, then referred a few other people to me, so I could help them with their sorrow.

      But, let’s get back to you. May I suggest a terrific website for you? It is https://grief.com/. It’s run by grief expert, David Kessler. It has free videos, lots of support and guidance. I think he also had a grief support group going during these stay-at-home times w/other professionals &/or other people who are grieving. They may still be doing it. I keep meaning to check. He is very professional, very helpful & knows loss personally. I hope it helps you.

      Please know you are not alone in grieving for someone, however, know your journey with grief is uniquely yours. So, whatever feeling(s) you are experiencing: numbness, anger, fear, sorrow, brain fog, joy (from memories), despair, anxiety, whatever…is perfectly normal. Cry all you want. And, if you’re not ready to cry, that’s okay, too. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve, you’ll grieve…how you grieve! How you *carry* your grief evolves as time moves forward, but grief is something that will be with you forever because grief is love for lost loved one, and you will forever hold that love in your heart.
      💕🕯️🙏

      Sending you healing wishes, love & light, ~Lisa

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